Fraction

~~~ I realized that 3 out of 2 people in this world don't understand fractions.~~~

Girls’ wish

eto mga prayers ng mga babae.

7yo: Lord, give me superman!
15yo: Lord,give me a cute man!
in her twenties: Lord,give me a gorgeous man!
in her thirties: Lord,give me a good man!
in her forties: Lord,give me a MAN...
fifties: Lord,give me kahit sino MAN..

sixties+ : Lord,sige na naMAN!

common sense

Common sense isn't common

Suburbia

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

My girl and me

My girl and me,
we are so perfect,
she loves me,
and I love myself too...

Pizza

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man
ordering a small pizza to go.
He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.
He thought about it for some time before
responding.

"Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think
I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."

The way to a mans heart

Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

is it a dog?

This dog,
is dog,
a dog,
good dog,
way dog,
to dog,
keep dog,
an dog,
idiot dog,
busy dog,
for dog,
20 dog,
seconds dog! ...


Now read without the word dog.

The Ring

First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.

Bed talk

BOY: Is this your first time?
GIRL: Oo naman! why do you guys always ask the same question?

Logic

HUSBAND: Hon, may sasabihin ka?

WIFE: Eh kasi hon... When I was lost you were there,
when I was down you were there,
when I almost died you were there ...

Di kaya ikaw ang malas sa buhay ko?!!!

I C U

When I want 2 see the sky, I C U.
When I want 2 c the flowers, I C U.
When I want 2 c the moon, I C U.

so please get a side and clear my VIEW!

How many women

Wife asked his husband how many women he had slept with?
Husband proudly replies, only you darling...

...with others I was AWAKE!!

something 4 u

I wanted to send u something nice that would make u smile but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox!

wat u gonna do

Q: If a devil catches ur wife, wat wud u do?
A: U can do nothin. If devil has committed a mistake let him face the consequences.

Ideal Man

The IDEAL man does not smoke,
does not drink,
does not flirt,
goes to bed early, in short ...

does not exist

You meaN a lOt 2 ME

I wanted to tell you that I truly treasure our friendship- you mean a lot to me.
You cry...I cry.
You laugh..I laugh.
You jump out of the window...

I...
I...
I...look down and then I laugh again.

math class

Math Teacher:  Anong pinag-iba ng 69 at 6.9?
Student     :  Ma'm pareho lng po cla ng position kya lng mas kadiri ang 6.9.
Math Teacher:  Bkit?
Student     :  Ksi po me period!

Via Satellite

    A pinoy in New York was masturbating while looking at the sky. An american asked, " Hey, wat r u doing?"
     " Fucking my wife in d Philippines via satellite!" the pinoy replied.

H2O and CO2

Lito: Pare, ano ba ang kaibahan ng H2O sa CO2?
Joseph: Diyos ko naman! Di mo ba alam 'yun?! Ang H2O ay water! At ang
CO2... cold water.

May Taning na

Dok: May taning na ang buhay mo.
Juan: Wala na bang pag-asa? Ano po ba ang dapat kong gawin?
Dok: Mag-asawa ka na lang ng pangit at bungangera.
Juan: Bakit, gagaling po ba ako ru'n?
Dok: Hindi, para mas gugustuhin mo pang mamatay kesa mabuhay!

Choice of drinks

Stewardess: Do you want a drink, sir?
Sir: What are my choices?
Stewardess: Yes or No.

Sa isang classroom...

Sa isang classroom...
Titser: Class, what is ETHICS?
Pilo: Etiks are smaller than ducks.

Profession

Anak: Itay, nagpapatanong si ma'am kung ano raw ang propesyon mo.
Itay: Sabihin mo, cardiologist.
Anak: Ano po ba ang cardiologist, Itay?
Itay: 'Yung tagaayos ng radio sa car!

Anak: Itay, nagpapatanong si ma'am kung ano raw ang propesyon mo.
Itay: Sabihin mo, cardiologist.
Anak: Ano po ba ang cardiologist, Itay?
Itay: 'Yung tagaayos ng radio sa car!